I find myself trapped in a constant loop. I want to move somewhere new, I want to find another job, I want to begin a new life. Yet, the current life keeps pulling me back.
I fear that our animals will hinder us from finding a new home. I fear my anxiety will keep me from finding a good job. I fear my emotions are keeping me from moving on from my past.
I’m trying to stay silent and be observant. I’m trying to learn from my surroundings, my mistakes, and even my fears. However I’m not sure that what I’m learning is helpful. What I’m learning is that my options in life are becoming fewer and fewer. I’m learning that the consequences of my past choices have boxed me in and literally destroyed some of my future options.
I’m learning that I feel trapped. Trapped by my own motherhood, trapped by my career, trapped by my anxiety, and most of all trapped by my past.